A married businessman meets a beautiful girl and
Agrees to spend the night with her for $500.
He spends the night with her but before he leaves,
he tells her that he does not have any cash with him,
but he will have his secretary write a check and mail it to her,
calling the payment "RENT FOR APARTMENT."

On the way to the office he regrets what he has done,
realizing that the whole event was not worth the price.
So he has his secretary send a check for
$250 and enclosed the following typed note:
Dear Madam: :

Enclosed you will find a check in the amount of $250 for rent of your
apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I
rented the apartment, I was under the impression that: 1) it had never been occupied;
2) that there was plenty of heat; and
3) that it was small enough to make me feel cozy and at home.
However, I found out that it had been previously occupied,
that there wasn't any heat, and that it was entirely too large.

Upon receipt of the note, The girl immediately returned the check for $250
With the following note:

Dear Sir,

First of all, I cannot understand how you expect a
beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely.
As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if you know how to turn it on.
Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size,
but if you don't have enough furniture to fill it,
Please don't blame the landlady.

Send the rent in full or we will be forced to
Contact your present landlady

The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle,
Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St.
Peter told Arthur; "Since you've been such a good
man & your motorcycles have changed the world your reward
is, you can hang out with anyone you want to in heaven."

Arthur thought about it for a minute and then
said, "I want to hang out with God."

St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and
introduced him to God.

God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you
were the one who invented the Harley-Davidson motorcycle?"

Arthur said, "Yeah, that's me...."

God commented: "Well, what's the big deal in
inventing something that's pretty unstable,
makes noise and pollution, and can't run without
a road?"


Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally
spoke, "Excuse me, but aren't you the inventor of
woman?"

God said, " Ah, yes."

Well, said Arthur, "professional to
professional, you have some major design flaws
in your invention:

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end
protrusion
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds
3. Most rear ends are too soft and wobble too much
4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust
5. The maintenance costs are outrageous!!!!

Hmmmmm, you may have some good points there,
replied God, "hold on."

God went to his Celestial super computer, typed
in a few words and waited for the results. The
computer printed out a slip of paper and God
read it.

Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed,
God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers,
more men are riding my invention than yours.

A new vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on the door on the first house of the street. A tall lady answered the door.

Before she could speak, the enthusiastic salesman barged into the living room and opened a big black plastic bag and poured all the cow droppings onto the carpet.

"Madam, if I could not clean this up with the use of this new powerful Vacuum cleaner, I will EAT all this !%%#....!" exclaimed the eager salesman.

"Do you need chilli sauce or ketchup with that" asked the lady.

The bewildered salesman asked, "Why, madam?"

"There's no electricity in the house..." said the lady

A guy heard from his doctor that masturbating before sex could help him last longer. So he decided to try it. He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He couldn't do it in his office, so he thought about the restroom, but that was too open. He considered an alley, but figured he might get mugged.
Finally, he was inspired. On his way home, he pulled his truck over on the side of the highway. He got out and crawled underneath as if he was examining the truck. Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to masturbate. He closed his eyes and thought of his lover. As he grew closer to orgasm, he felt a quick tug at the bottom of his pants. Not wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and said, "What?"

He heard, "This is the police. What's going on here?"

The man replied, "I'm checking out the rear axle, it's busted."

"Well, you might as well check your brakes too while you're down there because your truck rolled down the hill five minutes ago."