Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked a young engineer who was fresh out of MIT, "What starting salary were you thinking about?"

The Engineer said, "In the neighbourhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."

The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5 weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - say, a red Corvette?"

The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?" The interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."

Three nuns were talking. The first nun said, "I was cleaning
in Father's room the other day and do you know what I found?
A bunch of pornographic magazines." "What did you do?" the
other nuns asked. "Well, of course I threw them in the trash."

The second nun said, "Well, I can top that. I was in Father's
room putting away the laundry and I found a bunch of condoms!"
"Oh my!" gasped the other nuns. "What did you do?" they asked.
"I poked holes in all of them!" she replied.

The third nun fainted.

A women desperately looking for work goes into a toy factory.
The Personnel Manager goes over her resume and explains to her
that he regrets he has nothing worthy of her. The woman answers
that she really needs work and will take almost anything. The
Personnel Manager hems and haws and finally says he does have a
low skill job on the Tickle-Me-Elmo line and nothing else. The
woman happily accepts.. He takes her down to the line and
explains her duties and that she should come in at 8am the next
day.

The next day at 8:45 there's a knock at the Personnel Manager's
door. The Tickle-Me-Elmo line manager comes in and starts
ranting about the woman just hired. After screaming for 15
minutes about how badly backed up the assembly line is, the
Personnel Manager suggested he be shown the problem. Together
they head down to the line and sure enough Elmos are backed up
from here to kingdom come. Right at the end of the line is the
woman just hired. She has pulled over a roll of the material
used for the Elmos and has a big bag of marbles. They both
watch as she cuts a little piece of fabric and takes 2 marbles
and starts sewing them between Elmo's legs.

The Personnel Manager starts to kill himself laughing and
finally after 20 minutes of rolling around, he pulls himself
together and walks over to the new employee and says, "I'm
sorry, I guess you misunderstood me yesterday. What I wanted
you to do was give Elmo two test tickles."

A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the bosses' wife instead.
"I'm afraid he died last week." she explains.

The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss.
"I told you" the wife replies, "he died last week."

The next day he calls again and once more asks to
speak to his boss.

By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts,

"I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOU?R BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK! WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?"

"Coz," he replied laughing..............


"I JUST LOVE HEARING IT".

There once was a young couple who lived in a town filled with crime. After three neighbors' houses had been robbed, the couple decided to get a guard dog.

So one day the wife went to the pet store and said, ?I need a good guard dog.?

And the clerk replied, ?Sorry, we're all sold out. All we have left is this little Scottie dog. But he knows karate.?

The wife didn't believe him so he said to the dog, "Karate that chair.?

The dog went up to the chair and broke it into pieces, then he said to the dog, ?Karate that table.? The dog went up to the table and broke it in half.

So the wife bought the dog and took it home to her husband who was expecting a big guard dog. But then she told her husband that it knew karate, and he said ?Karate my ass!?

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town-"What a peaceful & loving couple".

A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.

"Well, it dates back to our honeymoon," explained the man.
We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom on the canyon by horse. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's horse stumbled. My wife said, "That's once".

"We proceeded a little further and the horse stumbled again. Once more my wife said, "That's twice". We hadn't gone a half-mile when the horse stumbled the third time. My wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead.

"I started an angry protest over her treatment of the horse; while I was shouting, she looked at me, and said........
"That's once".

"And we lived happily ever after"!!

Once upon a time, and far, far away, lived a beautiful Queen with voluptuous b*reasts. Nick the Dragon Slayer knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them. One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, who was the King's chief doctor. Horatio the Physician exclaimed that he could arrange for Nick the Dragon Slayer to more than just satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1000 gold coins to arrange it.

Without pause, Nick the Dragon Slayer readily agreed to the scheme.


The next day, Horatio the Physician made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's brassiere while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense.

Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio the Physician informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the saliva of Nick the Dragon Slayer would work as the antidote to cure the itch.


The King quickly summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer. Horatio the Physician then slipped Nick the Dragon Slayer the antidote for the itching powder, which he quickly put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Nick worked passionately on the Queen's voluptuous and magnificent b*reasts. The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick the Dragon Slayer left satisfied and hailed as a hero.


Upon returning to his chamber, Nick the Dragon Slayer found Horatio the Physician demanding his payment of 1,000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick the Dragon Slayer couldn't have cared less and, knowing that Horatio the Physician could never report this matter to the King, with a laugh just told him to get lost.


The next day, Horatio the Physician slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's underwear. The King immediately summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer.


The moral of the story - PAY YOUR BILLS.

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the Priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?" "Of course. What may I do for you?" "Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"

"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie." "With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?" "From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."

The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?" "I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."

Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father."

For those who don't know,The Herald is a "newspaper" in Harare.

The woman at the bookshop in Harare wanted to advertise the launch of the latest Harry Potter book in The Herald.

She calls up The Herald and says: "Can I speak to somebody about putting an advert in the paper about the new Harry Potter book."

Reply: "Yes, I am Harry Potter."
She says: "No, you don't understand. There is a new book on Harry
Potter and I need to put an advert in the paper."
Reply: "Yes, I am Harry Potter."
"YOU ARE NOT HARRY POTTER!"
Reply: "I am Harry Potter"

The women gets angry and slams down the phone. She calls again - this time the same thing, the person calling himself Harry Potter.

Finally, she calls her assistant and asks him to phone and speak to the person in Shona, which he does.

A couple of minutes later her assistant is laughing on the phone - he gives the message and hangs up.

What's so funny?

The man from the Herald was saying: "I am a repota"

Try a Tattoo:

My fianc? is not a sentimental guy, so I was pleasantly surprised when he asked a jeweler to engrave the inside of our wedding rings with our names and wedding date.

"That's sweet," I gushed.

"Sweet has nothing to do with it," he said. "I just don't want to forget our anniversary next year."

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A computer geek is crossing the road when he sees a frog, which opens its mouth and starts talking.

"If you kiss me," the frog says, "I'll turn into a beautiful princess, stay with you for a week and do anything you want."

The guy smiles and puts the frog in his pocket.

"Did you hear me?" asks the frog. "A beautiful princess? For a week?"

"Look," says the nerd, "I haven't got time for a girlfriend. But a talking frog -- now, that's cool."

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As an airline reservation agent, I took a call from a man who wanted to book a flight for two but wasn't happy with the price of $59 per ticket. "I want the $49 fare I saw advertised," he insisted, saying he would accept a flight at any time. I managed to find two seats on a 6 a.m. flight. "I'll take it," he said, then worried his wife might not like the early hour. I warned there was a $25 fee per person if he changed the reservation. "Oh, that's no problem," he said dismissively. "What's fifty bucks?"

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While she was visiting home recently, my sister nudged me and pointed to a line of new plants my mother had placed by the kitchen window. "Look," she whispered, "death row."

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I was talking about how addictive games on the Internet can be. "I know. I've been playing them way too much," agreed my daughter. "Why do you say that?" I asked. "Just before I start dreaming at night, a blue strip appears with the words 'Loading. Please wait.' "

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The lieutenant wanted to use a pay phone but didn't have change for a dollar. He saw a private mopping the floors and asked him, "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?" "I sure have, buddy," the private answered. Giving him a mean stare, the lieutenant said, "That's no way to address an officer. Let's try it again. Private, do you have change for a dollar?" "No, sir," the private replied.