LoL. hiki,I saw all of the MadTv before but it was fun to see them again. I loved the Project Runway one.

Since it's you mamma, then..

Yo mama's so fat, when she saw a school bus go by, she screamed "Stop the Twinky!!" (I couldn't stop laughing when I first heard this one. )

Yo mama's so fat, when she went to KFC and was asked what bucket she wanted, she said "The one on the roof"

what the....

20 Things I Learned From Tech Support:


1) As long as the world turns, users will still have problems

2) Substance abusers and computer operators are the only folks called users. This isn't by chance

3) When in doubt. Reboot

4) Sooner or later you will meet a person who types out the words "backslash" or forgets to plug in the power cord. If you haven't yet, just wait, you will

5) Fear the phone. No one just calls tech support to wish you good morning. Laughing

6) No user will tell you the whole truth at the beginning of a call

7) "I didn't do anything" or "It just happened" Are the users mantra Laughing

8 ) As a support tech, it is your job to break down resistance and get the truth Laughing

9) This is so you can rub the lie in their face, fixing the issue is just a perk

10) Some people will never learn

11) This means you will always have a job Laughing

12) Maintain a calm voice, even if you're screaming on the inside

13) The hold button is your friend Laughing Laughing

14) Whatever you do, don't panic

15) The answer to all users questions should be "Trust me, I know what I'm doing" even if this is a bald-faced lie Laughing

16) Users can smell fear. Once you've lost control, all is lost

17) A user who is not listening to you anymore, but rather is trying "their own thing" is not worth your time. Simulate a telephone disconnect and hang up. Trust me, you're better off.

18) Cool Sometimes fixing a computer is easier than figuring out why it was broken

19) Users always want a reason things are fixed. If you're not sure just lie. They won't know anyway. "A stray electron passed through the processor and caused..." Laughing

20) If possible ask to speak to the youngest person present

===

Under it's comments section straight after the list... there was one who commented:

4:19 PM
Anonymous said...
True Story: I told a customer the "mouse server" is down.
I had to put the phone on mute while I laughed when they said "ohh okay".

Little Johnny's mother decided to give her son an anatomy lesson one day, so she took off all of her clothes and pointed to her vagina, saying, "Johnny, this is where you came from."

Johnny went to school the next day smiling and insisting that all his friends now refer to him as "Lucky Johnny."

"Why?" one asked.

Johnny held his fingers an inch apart and said, "Because I came this close to being a turd".

Brian came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk, as he often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.

He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.

When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe.

"Who the hell are you?" Demanded Brian, "and what are you doing in my bedroom?"

The mysterious Man answered "This isn't your bedroom, and I"m St Peter".

Brian was stunned "You mean I'm dead!!! That can't be, I have so much to live for, I haven't said goodbye to my family.you've got to send me back Straight away". St Peter replied "Yes, you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen." Brian was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen. A flash of light later he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground. "This ain't so bad" he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him. The farmyard rooster strolled over and said "So you're the new hen, how are you enjoying your first day here?" "It's not so bad" replies Brian, "but I have this strange feeling inside like I'm about to explode". You're ovulating" explained the rooster, "don't tell me you've never laid an egg before".

"Never" replies Brian "Well just relax and let it happen"

And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense! feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time. When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that ever happened to him ever!!!

The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting.

"Brian, wake up you drunken bastard, you've sh!t in the bed"

i have to give u guys some props cuz u guys really got good jokes lolz

I'll keep it clean... sorta

Admiral Remmington and his loyal ship boy Preston were leading an armada east across the Mediterranean towards an enemy fleet. "To Battle!" the Admiral blared as the sun peaked in the sky. Then the two naval brigades collided in the sea and an enormous marine battle insued.
Amid the chaos, the brave Admiral was struck in the forehead by splintering wood, but he did not flinch. He then turned to his ship boy and sternly said, "good Preston, get me a hankie and my red hat. The men shall not know that I have been wounded even a little!"
"Aye sir!" Preston said as he ran into the cabin to retrieve his Admiral's red hat.
Another explosion rocked the boat and Admiral Remmington shouted to his boy "Preston! Please bring my red coat! I have been struck in the belly by another splinter!"
Preston nodded then retrieved the red coat for his master and stood beside him. But only a short while after, the two could see many great enemy sails in the distance. At first there were only a few, but soon they flooded the horizon.
Admiral Remmington turned to Preston and said, "dear boy... get me my brown pants."

A man was ordered by his doctor to lose 75 lbs. due to very serious health risks. As he wondered how in the heck he would ever do it, he ran across an ad in the newspaper for a GUARANTEED WEIGHT LOSS PROGRAM.
"Guaranteed. Yeah right!" he thought to himself. But desperate, he calls them up and subscribes to the 3-day/10 pound weight loss program.

The next day there's a knock at his door, and when he answers, there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old young lady dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign round her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me!" Without a second thought he takes off after her. A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her. After they are through and she leaves, he thinks to himself, "I like the way this company does business!" The same girl shows up for the next two days and the same thing happens.

On the fourth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10lb. as promised. He calls the company and orders their 5-day/ 20 pound program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there
stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life, wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me, you can have me." He's out the door or after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and it takes him a while to catch her, but when he does, it is worth every cramp and wheeze. For the next four days, the same routine happens.

Much to his delight, on the fifth day, he weighs himself and found he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program. "Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program."Absolutely,"he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years".

The next day there's a knock at the door and when he opens it he finds a muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but Adidas running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, you're mine."

spoof pics





translation: plane

The CIA were training three people , two men and a woman.

The final day of there training came.

The CIA called in the first man . He was told that inside that door he would find his wife sitting on a chair and that he was supposed to kill her with a gun /they gave him a gun. the man starts crieng and saying i wont do it i wont do it! So he was disqualified.

The second man goes and they him the same thing . He almost succeded but admited that he couldnt do it.

Next they call in the woman and give her a gun to kill her husband. The woman didnt hesitate.The CIA heard 13 bullets going on. Then they heard screaming inside. They waited for 5 more minutes and then the woman came out , bloody and all. She said:
You didnt tell me the bullets were blanks! I had to kill the ******* with a chair!!