ok, a dirty one



3 men are on a desert island desperately seeking a way to get off. A cannibal approaches them and flop his penis out and says "if the length of your 3 penis put together is as big as mine, then i show u the way to get off this island" otherwise you will be killed and eaten.

The native's love muscle was a staggering 20 inches. the 1st man got his out, and it was a 10 inches, 2nd then produce a 9 inch knob, realizing they need only 1 inch to go, the 1st 2 man is quietly confident. The 3rd got his penis out, and it was only 1 inch long.

After some tense calculations, the native says "okay you've equalled the length of my penis". i have a boat which u can use to escape.



While sailing away on the boat, the 1st man says to the other 2, you guys are lucky that i've a 10 inches.

And the 2nd says you are lucky i've got a 9 inch penis.

To which the 3rd man replies, "And you are lucky that i had an erection".

This Guy leaves the bar, hoping he can get home early enough not to piss his wife off for drinking after work. He gets home and finds his boss in bed with his wife. Later, back at the bar, the guy tells the bartender the story.
"Wow, that's awful, what did you do?" the bartender asked.
"Well, I carefully snuck back out the door, and came straight back here. Shoot, they we're just getting started, so I figure, I got time for a couple more beers."

A little boy accompanies his mother shopping and is waiting outside the ladies? dressing room for her to emerge, boredom causing him to fidget. When his mother comes out, she spies her son sliding his hand up a mannequin?s skirt. "Get your hand out of there!" she shouts. "Don?t you know that women have teeth down there?" The little boy quickly snatches his hand away and thanks his lucky stars he wasn?t bitten.
For the ensuing years, this little boy grows up believing all women have teeth between their legs.
When he is 16, he gets a girlfriend. One night, while her parents are out of town, she invites him over for a little action. After an hour of making out and grinding on the sofa, she says, "You know, you could go a little further if you want." "What do you mean?" he asks. "Well, why don?t you put your hand down there?" she says, pointing to her crotch. "Hell, no," he cries, "you?ve got teeth there!" "Don?t be ridiculous," she responds, "there?s no teeth down there." "Yes, there are", he says, "my mother told me so." "No, there aren?t," she insists. "Here, look for yourself." With that, she pulls down her panties and gives him a little peek. "No, I?m sorry," he says. "My mother already told me that ALL women have teeth down there." "Oh, for crying out loud!" she cries. She whips off her panties, throws her legs behind her head, and says, "LOOK, I don?t have any teeth down there."
The boy takes a good long look, then replies, "Well, with the state of those gums, I?m not surprised!"

You were riding a bus, when you suddenly fart. Luckily the music is very loud. Every time you farted, you timed it with the music.
When you were going down the bus, everybody were throwing dagger looks at you, and you suddenly realized . . . .
that you have your MP3 player on your ears !

One day this girl goes to her father, "Dad, I really want to see that movie that just came out, can I please go watch it." The dad replies, "Only if you suck my dick." the girl refuses but says, "please dad, I really really really want to go to the movies." The dad says again, "Only if you suck my dick, then Ill take you." Eventually the girl gives in and sucks his chop. As soon as she does, she leaps back and goes "Eewwww, it tastes like !$$#!", so the dad says, "Yeah, your brother wanted to go to the movies too."

for people who can understand chinese

The CIA were training three people , two men and a woman.

The final day of there training came.

The CIA called in the first man . He was told that inside that door he would find his wife sitting on a chair and that he was supposed to kill her with a gun /they gave him a gun. the man starts crieng and saying i wont do it i wont do it! So he was disqualified.

The second man goes and they him the same thing . He almost succeded but admited that he couldnt do it.

Next they call in the woman and give her a gun to kill her husband. The woman didnt hesitate.The CIA heard 13 bullets going on. Then they heard screaming inside. They waited for 5 more minutes and then the woman came out , bloody and all. She said:
You didnt tell me the bullets were blanks! I had to kill the ******* with a chair!!

Pakistani and Indian Man (With Due repsect to both)

An Indian man is having breakfast one morning; coffee,croissants, bread, butter & jam when a Pakistani man, chewing chewing gum, sits down next to him...

The Indian ignores the Pakistani who, nevertheless, starts a Conversation:

Pakistani: "You Indian folks eat the whole bread??"

Indian: (in a bad mood): "Of course."

Pakistani: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In Pakistan, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to India."

The Pakistani has a smirk on his face. The Indian listens in silence.

The Pakistani Persists "Do you eat jam with the bread??"

Indian: "Of Course."

Pakistani: (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling). "We don't. In Pakistan we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell the jam to India".

The Indian then asks: "Do you have sex in Pakistan?"
Pakistani : "Why of course we do", the Indian says with a big smirk.

Indian: And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"

Pakistani: "We throw them away, of course."

Indian: "We don't. In India, we put them in a container, Recycle them, melt them down into Chewing gum and sell them to Pakistan"

My wife and I finally boarded the plane in San Francisco last Sunday
heading home.

As the plane reached cruising speed with the seat belt sign switched
off, a 6 ft 3' black man with the build of Mike Tyson in the front row
got up from his seat, turned to face the back, raised his arm and
yelled, 'HIJACK!'

Everyone was frozen to the seat, expecting the worst to happen.

And two stewards were about to jump onto this guy to overpower him
when another voice answered from the back of the plane: 'HI JOHN!'

The moral of the story is: If you have a friend named Jack, for
heaven's sake don't ever call him in the plane. Otherwise you may land
yourself in deep s.hit.

A man was ordered by his doctor to lose 75 lbs. due to very serious health risks. As he wondered how in the heck he would ever do it, he ran across an ad in the newspaper for a GUARANTEED WEIGHT LOSS PROGRAM.
"Guaranteed. Yeah right!" he thought to himself. But desperate, he calls them up and subscribes to the 3-day/10 pound weight loss program.

The next day there's a knock at his door, and when he answers, there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old young lady dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign round her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me!" Without a second thought he takes off after her. A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her. After they are through and she leaves, he thinks to himself, "I like the way this company does business!" The same girl shows up for the next two days and the same thing happens.

On the fourth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10lb. as promised. He calls the company and orders their 5-day/ 20 pound program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there
stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life, wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me, you can have me." He's out the door or after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and it takes him a while to catch her, but when he does, it is worth every cramp and wheeze. For the next four days, the same routine happens.

Much to his delight, on the fifth day, he weighs himself and found he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program. "Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program."Absolutely,"he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years".

The next day there's a knock at the door and when he opens it he finds a muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but Adidas running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, you're mine."