This little boy goes up to his dad and he says "Dad?, What's the difference between Potentially and Realistically?" To which the father replies "Well son, go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then you ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then you ask your brother if he would sleep with Tom Cruise for a million dollars."

So the boy goes up to his mom and asks her if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars and the mother replies "Oh my god, of course I would, he is so good looking!"

So the boy moves on and asks his sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and she replies "He is so ****ing fine, of course I would!"

Then last but no least he goes up to his brother and asks him if he would sleep with Tom Cruise for a million dollars, his brother says "Of course I would, who wouldn't for a million bucks?"

So he goes up to his dad and says "I think I learned the difference between potentially and realistically" "Well what's the difference?" says the father.

"Well, potentially we're sitting on 3 million dollars, realistically we're living with 2 !&@!s and a fag!"

A company, feeling it was time for a shapeup, hires a new CEO. The new CEO is determined to get rid of all unproductive workers in the company. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a young chap leaning on a wall and relaxing.
The room is full of workers who were busy working, except for this guy. The CEO decides to let his staff know that he means business! The CEO walks up to the guy and asks, "And how much money do you make a week?"

A little surprised, the young fellow looks at him and replies, "I make $300.00 a week.........Why?"

The CEO then hands the guy $600 in cash and screams, "Here's two weeks' pay, now GET OUT and don't come back!". Surprised and in fear, the guy immediately leaves.

Feeling pretty good about having fired his first worker, the CEO looks around the room and asks, "Does anyone want to tell me which department that worker belonged to?"

With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters, "He was the Pizza Delivery guy from Domino's."

Bill and Marla decided that the only way to
pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with
their ten-year-old son in the apartment was
to send him out on the balcony and tell him
to report on all the neighborhood activities.

The boy began his commentary as his parents
put their plan into operation. "There's a car
being towed from the parking lot," he said.
"An ambulance just drove by." A few moments passed.

"Looks like the Andersons have company," he called
out. "Matt's riding a new bike, and the Coopers
are having sex."

Mom and Dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?"
the startled father asked.

"Their kid is standing out on the balcony too,"
his son replied.





Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered

over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he

politely asked, "What are you doing there, Nancy?"



"My goldfish died," replied Nancy tearfully without looking up, "and I've

just buried him."



The neighbor was very concerned. "That's an awfully big hole for a

goldfish, isn't it?"



Nancy patted down the last heap of dirt then replied,



"That's because he's inside your #&#&ing cat."

Two men are on opposite sides of the earth. One is walking a tightrope. The other is getting a blowjob by a 90-year-old woman.
Both get the exact same thought at the exact same time.

"Don't look down."

A husband and his wife are sharing a bottle of wine when he says, "I bet you can't say something that makes me both happy and sad."

She thought for a moment then says, "Your dick is bigger than your brother's."

A little girl walks in to the lounge one Sunday morning where her Daddy is reading the paper.

"Where does poo come from?" she asks.

Father feeling a little perturbed that his 5 year old daughter is already asking difficult questions thinks for a moment and says: "Well you know we just ate breakfast?"

"Yes," answers the girl.

"Well the food goes into our tummies and our bodies take out all the good stuff, and then whatever is left over comes out of our bottoms when we go to the toilet, and that is poo."

The little girl looks perplexed, and stares at him in stunned silence for a few seconds and asks: "And Tigger?"

The beautiful eighteen-year-old girl sobbed hysterically at the funeral service of her seventy-five-year-old husband.

She confided in a friend, "We had such a happy marriage for the three months it lasted.

Every Sunday morning he would make love to me, keeping time with the rhythm of the church bells."

She sobbed again, then added, "If that fire engine hadn't clanged by, he'd be alive today."

Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb.

That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.

On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.

On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap, The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.

A man goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. In fact, She sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy. What do you think I should do?" "Relax," says the Doctor, "take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry's bar?"

A couple decide they had to tighten their belts financially, she says

'You are spending 16 bucks a week on cans of beer, that has to stop'.

A week later he says, 'Hang on, you are spending 28 bucks a week on make-up'.

'Yes', she replies 'But that is to make me look nice and attractive for you'.

He replies ,'That's what the beer was for!!'