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jokes! | ||
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Show Off!
Joined: 2006/11/17
A/S/L 24/M/Singapore
Posts: 6223
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post any jokes!
i'll start the ball rolling. A blonde walks into the library. She walks up to the counter, SLAMS a book down and screams at the librarian, - "This is the WORST book I've ever read!" "It has NO plot and far too many characters!" The librarian looks up and calmly remarks - "So, you're the one who took our phone book..." |
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Posted on: 2007/5/23 5:37
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Re: jokes! | ||
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Show Off!
Joined: 2006/11/17
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Posts: 6223
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A little old lady is walking down the street dragging two plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand. There's a hole in one of the bags and every once in a while a $20 bill is flying out of it onto the pavement. Noticing this, a policeman stops her.
"Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag." "Darn!" says the little old lady.I'll better go back and see if I can still find some. Thanks for the warning!" Well, now, not so fast now," says the cop. "How did you get all that money? Did you steal it?" "Oh, no", says the little old lady. You see, my back yard backs up to the parking lot of Lambeau Field. Each time there's a game, a lot of fans come and pee in the bushes and right into my flower beds! So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and each time someone sticks his little thingy through the bushes, I say $20 or off it comes!" "Hey, not a bad idea!" laughs the cop. "OK, good luck! By the way, what's in the other bag?" "Well," says the little old lady, "some guys think I'm bluffing." |
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Posted on: 2007/5/24 7:58
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Re: jokes! | ||
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Insane Hikki Fan
Joined: 2007/5/15
A/S/L Male
Posts: 2932
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Im not sure if should say my jokes....they're kinda racist >_>
NOTE: I am not racist, the jokes are tho |
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Posted on: 2007/5/24 20:24
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Re: jokes! | ||
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Show Off!
Joined: 2006/11/17
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Posts: 6223
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you're fine to put racist jokes
since it's just jokes i even have adult jokes, but i don't think i'll put it here too much younger forumers here here's another joke A female computer consultant was helping a smug male set up his computer and asked him what word he would like to use as a password to log in with. Wanting to embarrass the female, he told her to enter penis. Without blinking or saying a word, she entered the password. She then almost died laughing at the computer's response: PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH!!! |
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Posted on: 2007/6/1 11:48
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Re: jokes! | ||
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Insane Hikki Fan
Joined: 2007/5/15
A/S/L Male
Posts: 2932
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ROFLMAO! Thats a good one!
Ok this one probably everyone knows by now. WARNING: Some profanity What do u call a bunch of black people running down a mountain? A mudslide. What do u call a bunch of white people running down a mountian? Avalanche What do u call a bunch of black people in a pool? Coco Puffs What do u call a bunch of black people in the ocean? Oil Spill What do u call a bunch of mexican people running down a mountain? Jail Break What do u call a black person in a church? Holy Shit When u wake up in the middle of the night and see a floating TV what do u say? DROP IT N!GGER! I have a few great adult jokes too but yea you're right, younger audience might not like it >_> |
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Posted on: 2007/6/1 15:32
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Re: jokes! | ||
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Show Off!
Joined: 2006/11/17
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Posts: 6223
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A duck walks into a bar and asks: "Got any Bread?" Barman says: "No." Duck says: "Got any bread?" Barman says: "No." Duck says: "Got any bread?" Barman says: "No, we have no bread." Duck says: "Got any bread?" Barman says: "No, we haven't got any $@^*ing bread." Duck says: "Got any bread?" Barman says: "No, are you deaf?! We haven't got any $@^*ing bread, ask me again and I'll nail your $@^*ing beak to the bar you irritating bastard of a $@^*ing bird!" Duck says: "Got any nails?" Barman says: "No" Duck says: "Got any bread? |
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Posted on: 2007/7/5 10:30
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Re: jokes! | ||
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Show Off!
Joined: 2006/11/17
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Posts: 6223
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A woman comes home shouting, "Honey, pack your bags! I won the lottery!"
The husband exclaims, "Wow! That's great! Should I pack for the ocean, the mountains, or what?" She says, "I don't care. Just get the hell out." |
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Posted on: 2007/7/5 10:36
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Re: jokes! | ||
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Show Off!
Joined: 2006/11/17
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Posts: 6223
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A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
"You'll get your chance in court," said the desk sergeant. "No, no,no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I`ve been trying to do that for years!" |
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Posted on: 2007/7/5 10:37
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Re: jokes! | ||
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Show Off!
Joined: 2006/11/17
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Posts: 6223
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An American tourist in London was desperate to take a leak. After a long search he couldn't find any public bathroom to relieve himself. So he went down one of the side streets to take care of business. Just as he was unzipping, a London police officer showed up.
"Look here, old chap, what are you doing?" the officer asked. "I'm sorry," the American replied, "but I really gotta take a leak." "You can't do that here," the officer told him. "Look, follow me." The police officer led him to a beautiful garden with lots of grass, pretty flowers, and manicured hedges. "Here," said the policeman, "whiz away." The American tourist shrugged, turned, unzipped, and started pissing on the flowers. "Ahhh," he said in relief. Then turning toward the officer, he said, "This is very nice of you. Is this British courtesy?" "No," replied the policeman. "It's the French Embassy." |
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Posted on: 2007/7/5 10:38
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Re: jokes! | ||
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Show Off!
Joined: 2006/11/17
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Posts: 6223
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Women's Version:
Woman #2: Oh! You got a haircut! That's so cute! Woman #1: Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she gave me the mirror. I mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking? Woman #2: Oh God no! No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with this stuff I think. Woman #1: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts - that would look so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck. Woman #2: Oh - that's funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to take attention away from this two-by-four I have for a shoulder line. Woman #1: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms - see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier. Men's Version: Man #2: Haircut? Man #1: Yeah. |
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Posted on: 2007/7/5 10:40
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