Paul got off the elevator on the 40th floor and nervously knocked on his blind date's door. She opened it and was as beautiful and charming as everyone had said.

"I'll be ready in a few minutes," she said. "Why don't you play with my dog Rollo while you are waiting? He does wonderful tricks. He rolls over, shakes hands and sits up, and if you make a hoop with your arms, he'll jump through."

The dog followed Paul onto the balcony and started rolling over. Paul made a hoop with his arms and Rollo jumped through and over the rail of the balcony. Just then, Paul's date walked out.

"Isn't Rollo the cutest, happiest dog you've ever seen?" she gushed.

Paul panicked. "To tell the truth," he said, "he seemed a little depressed to me."

The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes." She did and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there is a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better!"

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes." She did and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there is a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better!"

The woman said, "That's okay." For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.

The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, and women will flock to him."

The woman replied, " That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman, and he will only have eyes for me." So, KAZAM - she became the most beautiful woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world, and he will be ten times richer than you."

The woman said, " That's okay because what's mine is his and what's his is mine." So, KAZAM she became the richest woman in the world!

The frog asked her what she would like for her third wish. She said, "I'd like a mild heart attack."

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.

3 residents of the Old Folks' Home were complaining about old age..

the first, a 70 year-old dude lamented:

"Darn it to heck! I can't seem to move my bowels anymore! I wake up at 9am, and my stomach feels bloated. I go to the toilet, I sit there until 10am, NOTHING! It becomes so bad that I have to get an enema! And that's embarassing!";

the second, a 75 year-old countered:

"I wish I had such problems. I can't seem to pee! I wake up at 8am, and go stand at the urinal for an hour! And just a trickle! I'm about to burst and it's just a trickle! The docs said I may need to go for an operation for my prostate, now THAT'S bad!"

the third, an 80 year-old spoke up:

"That's NOTHING! At 8am, I pee like a horse.. LITRES of the stuff. Just like a goddamned fountain. At 9am, I crap like a cow.. until there's nothing left.. I get worried sometimes."

"HUH? WHAT'S THE PROBLEM THEN?" exclaimed the two younger geezers.

the 80 year-old lamented:

"The only problems is, I only wake up at 10am.."

Customer: I'm trying to connect to the Internet with your
CD, but it just doesn't work. What am I doing wrong?

Tech support: OK, you've got the CD in the CD drive, right?

Customer: Yeah....

Tech support: And what sort of computer are you using?

Customer: Computer? Oh no, I haven't got a computer. It's in
the CD player and all I get is weird noises. Listen.....

Tech support: Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!

===============

Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?

Customer: A white one...

===============

Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.

Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button?

Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.

Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.

Customer: No... wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet...
it's still on my desk... sorry....

===============

Tech support: Click on the "my computer" icon on the left of
the screen.

Customer: Your left or my left?

===============

Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?

Male customer: Hello... I can't print.

Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...

Customer: Listen, pal -- don't start getting technical on
me! I'm not Bill Gates!

===============

Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print.
Every time I try, it says, "Can't find printer." I've even
lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor,
but the computer still says he can't find it...

===============

Customer: I have problems printing in red...

Tech support: Do you have a color printer?

Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.

===============

Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?

Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the
supermarket.

===============

Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.

Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged in to the computer?

Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.

Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.

Customer: OK.

Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?

Customer: Yes.

Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is
there another keyboard?

Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does
work.

===============

Tech support: Your password is the small letter a as in
apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.

Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?

===============

Customer: I can't get on the Internet.

Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?

Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.

Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?

Customer: Five stars.

===============

Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?

Customer: Netscape.

Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.

Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.

===============

Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a
screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the
mouse, it disappears.

===============

Tech support: How may I help you?

Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.

Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?

Customer: Well, I have the letter "a" in the address, but
how do I get the circle around it?

===============

A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem
with her printer.

Tech support: Are you running it under Windows?

Customer: No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a
good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is
under a window, and his printer is working fine.

===============

And last but not least:....

Tech support: Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape
keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the
middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up
the Program Manager.

Customer: I don't have a P.

Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.

Customer: What do you mean?

Tech support: "P" ... on your keyboard, Bob.

Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!

On the way to preschool, a doctor had left his stethoscope on the car seat, and his little girl picked it up and began playing with it.

"Be still, my heart," thought the doctor. "My daughter wants to follow in my footsteps!"

Then the child spoke into the instrument, "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order?"

This guy was sitting in his attorney's office. "Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?" the lawyer said.

"Give me the bad news first."

"Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars."

"That's the bad news?" asked the man incredulously. "I can't wait to hear the terrible news."

"The terrible news is that it's of you and your secretary."

A pretty lady went to a pond one day..
There were two frogs at the pond...
The frogs were curious about the two holes...
So one went into the front private part of the lady and the other went into her backside...
At night, the lady went on bed with her husband...
In the morning, when she woke up, she had a stomachache and went to the toilet...
In the afternoon, the two frogs came out of the 2 holes and met up...
They shared their experiences...
The frog which went into the hole at the front said
"Oh my gosh! Yesterday night something punched me!
I punch him back... He not happy... He spitted at me!!!"
The other frog was like wow! And shared what happened to him too...
He told him "Oh my gosh! Just now in the morning, i nearly died due to the landslide!!!";