An update, and words of thanks

With regards to the late Utada Junko's suicide, I would like to sincerely apologise, both as representative of the agency to which she belonged to and as her former husband of 25 years, for all the trouble and inconvenience this incident has brought about to all those concerned in the various industries, to the fans of Fuji Keiko, and to the fans of Utada Hikaru. I would also like to take this opportunity to express my heartfelt gratitude and thanks for all the kind words and well-wishes sent to both Utada Hikaru and myself.

As per the wishes of the deceased as expressed in her will, both an all-night vigil and a funeral were not carried out. (Translator's notes: Seems like there will only be a cremation.)

Ever since I met her, I recognised that there was some degree of emotional instability within her, but instead of seeing it as a mental illness, I simply came to terms with it by viewing her as a uniquely "whimsical" person, and perceived it as something I could deal with adequately enough.

It was when Utada Hikaru was around 5 that these emotional changes started becoming more noticeable. She would launch aggressive words and actions towards my mother, the late Takeyama Sumiko, and even Hikaru and myself soon became the targets of her attacks. However, her emotional changes were frequent, and days where she'd go, "Sorry, I've caused trouble again", and reflect on her actions a few minutes after her outbursts continued on for a long period of time. When her suffering became more frequent, she was advised on numerous occasions after being examined at hospitals to undergo appropriate treatments, but this advice instead caused her to develop feelings of mistrust towards me. In the end, I believe that her suffering became a lot graver as the years went by and she continuously refused treatment.

In these twelve recent years, she lived life as she pleased, going on vacations and trips when they came to her. She got an American visa that allowed her to stay in the country for a maximum of five years upon entry, and made New York her base, frequently travelling to the European countries, various parts of America, and Australia as and when she felt like it.

While living such a lifestyle, she would call Hikaru and myself regardless of the time of day and without any prior notification; while there were times where she'd ask "How're you doing?" and the conversation would continue on normally, there were also times where she'd yell at us for no apparent reason, and we were very worried about her, her mental condition speaking to us very plainly through her words.

The last time I spoke with Junko was on the 14th August this year. It was her who called me. This time, it was one of the few occasions where Junko's voice had a cheerful tone and she sounded energetic. It lasted eight minutes, including some small talk, and after accepting a few requests from her, I hung up the phone. And eight days later, she committed suicide.

It is impossible to know whether Junko made an active decision to take the leap, or whether it was an act of impulse. All I can say is that I am filled to the brim with regret for having been unable to help her in her situation, and with sadness for having lost someone dear to me.

I would like to express my gratitude towards everyone who has watched over Utada Junko and Fuji Keiko with all their love on her behalf. Thank you all very much.

The time I spent with Junko is firmly engraved into my memory, and will never fade away.

26th August, 2013

Utada Teruzane

ご報告と謝辞

この度の故宇多田純子、投身自殺に於きましては、各方面の関係者の皆様、歌手藤圭子の大勢のファンの皆様、そして宇多田ヒカルのファンの皆様に多大なご心配と世間をお騒がせしていることに対して、所属事務所代表として、また２５年間連れ添った元夫として心からお詫びを申し上げます。また、宇多田ヒカル並びに僕に対して沢山の心の籠った暖かいお言葉、お悔みをいただいたことに対しては、この場を借りて感謝の意を表明させていただきます。

通夜、葬儀に関しては、故人の遺言書に書かれていた本人の強い意志に従い、執り行わないことにしました。

出会った頃から彼女には感情の不安定さが見受けられましたが、心を病んでいるというよりも、類い稀な「気まぐれ」な人としか受け止めていませんでした。僕にとっては十分に対応出来る範囲と捉えていました。

この感情の変化がより著しくなり始めたのは宇多田光が５歳くらいのことです。自分の母親、故竹山澄子氏、に対しても、攻撃的な発言や行動が見られるようになり、光と僕もいつの間にか彼女にとって攻撃の対象となっていきました。しかし、感情の変化が頻繁なので、数分後にはいつも、「ゴメン、また迷惑かけちゃったね。」と自分から反省する日々が長い間続きました。とても辛そうな時が多く見られるようなった際には、病院で診察を受け、適切な治療を受けるよう勧めたことも多々ありましたが、このアドバイスは逆に、僕に対する不信感を抱かせることとなってしまいました。結果、本人が拒絶し続けた治療が成されないまま、彼女の苦しみは年を追うごとに重症化したものと思われます。

直近の１２年間は、好きな旅に思い立ったら出かけるという生活を送っていました。アメリカは一回の入国で最長５年間の滞在許可がもらえるビザを取得し、ニューヨークを拠点に、ヨーロッパ各国、米国各地、オーストラリアなどを気の向くまま、頻繁に旅していました。

そのような環境の中、光と僕には昼夜を問わず、予期せぬ時間に電話連絡が入り、「元気？」という普通の会話が交わされる時もあれば心当たりのない理由で罵声を浴びせられる時もあり、相変わらず心の不安定さを感じさせられてとても気がかりでした。

最後に僕が純子と会話をしたのは今年の８月１４日でした。純子からでした。この時は珍しく明るい口調で、元気そうな純子の声でした。約８分間、世間話を含め、お願いごとを何件か受け、了承し電話を切りました。その８日後の自殺となってしまいました。

純子として覚悟の上での投身自殺だったのか、衝動的に飛び降りてしまったのか、今となっては知りようがありません。最終的に僕から救いの手を差し伸べられなかった悔しさ、大切な人間を失った悲しさでいっぱいです。

これまで宇多田純子を、藤圭子を愛情を持って見守ってくださった方々全員に、本人に代わり、心から感謝いたします。ありがとうございました。

純子と過ごした日々は僕の記憶にはっきりと刻まれています。

平成２５年８月２６日


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