In a sense, I can understand and relate to you because I too have moved on a bit from the fandom surrounding Utada. In the past, Utada was the entirety of my music collection, and I definitely identified with her lyrics and unique journey as a musician. But as I grew older, my music collection also grew, and I have a much larger interest in music than Utada can provide for me. Though I might have moved on to different genres and artists, I STILL consider myself a fan of Utada and I value the influence she had on my music taste and life growing up.

I want to understand why it is important for you to detach yourself so completely from calling yourself a fan if she too was so influential in your life? How do you think you would use this as a "crutch in the future"?

" I didn't do this out of hatred or spite, but more so an honest expression of me letting go of my fandom for Utada"

So you are no longer a fan of Utada because you want to let go?
That's not a reason at all and makes little sense.

If you stop being a fan because of something Utada did or you just stopped liking her music that's fine (Although If you went to her Chicago concert and have her recorded show on a USB stick I find this very very strange.)

Sounds more like you met somebody you admire very much and he/she doesn't like Utada and you think that by not being a fan of hers anymore this person will like you more.
That's really sad if that is the case.

All I can say is don't let people manipulate you or you will end up being a miserable person.
Do what makes YOU happy and don't worry what other people think.

If this is what makes you happy then good luck and godspeed.

I feel like I have to vent and for those who remember me thanks and if I seem like a stranger I am sorry for that. I have been a fan of Utada for a while and feel that my life is blessed because I managed to see her in concert while millions of fans haven't had that experience. Yesterday marked a turning point in my life. To put it simply I deleted my audio file of her Chicago concert that I kept on my key chain for 4 years(OMG it has been 4 years!!!). I didn't do this out of hatred or spite, but more so an honest expression of me letting go of my fandom for Utada. I know this is sad and I can't really vent this to friends who wouldn't understand. I am not looking for sympathy and not even wanting others to be sad. I feel that I have to do this for closure. There are many things I would wish to say but in summary Utada has been a positive force in my life and I am thankful for the music she has made that has allowed me to endure so much. There are too many real problems that I ignore that I must focus on. Sometimes the help you have in the past becomes a crutch in the future. sigh... so to all those who love Utada I hope for the best and also I hope her career will prosper. Sayonara