I'll keep it clean... sorta

Admiral Remmington and his loyal ship boy Preston were leading an armada east across the Mediterranean towards an enemy fleet. "To Battle!" the Admiral blared as the sun peaked in the sky. Then the two naval brigades collided in the sea and an enormous marine battle insued.
Amid the chaos, the brave Admiral was struck in the forehead by splintering wood, but he did not flinch. He then turned to his ship boy and sternly said, "good Preston, get me a hankie and my red hat. The men shall not know that I have been wounded even a little!"
"Aye sir!" Preston said as he ran into the cabin to retrieve his Admiral's red hat.
Another explosion rocked the boat and Admiral Remmington shouted to his boy "Preston! Please bring my red coat! I have been struck in the belly by another splinter!"
Preston nodded then retrieved the red coat for his master and stood beside him. But only a short while after, the two could see many great enemy sails in the distance. At first there were only a few, but soon they flooded the horizon.
Admiral Remmington turned to Preston and said, "dear boy... get me my brown pants."