* At restaurant-gas stations throughout the nation:
"Eat here and get gas."

* At a Sante Fe gas station:
"We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container."

* In a New Hampshire jewelry store:
"Ears pierced while you wait."

* In an New York restaurant"
"Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought to see the
manager."

* In a Michigan restaurant:
"The early bird gets the worm!"
"Special shoppers' luncheon before 11:00 AM."

* On a delicatessen wall:
"Our best is none too good."

* On the wall of a Baltimore estate:
"Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law."
"-- Sisters of Mercy"

* On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaning store:
"Thirty-eight years on the same spot."

* In a Los Angeles dance hall:
"Good clean dancing every night but Sunday."

* On a movie theater:
"Children's matinee today. Adults not admitted unless with child."

* In a Florida maternity ward:
"No children allowed!"

* In a New York drugstore:
"We dispense with accuracy."



* On a New York loft building:
"Wanted: Woman to sew buttons on the fourth floor."

* In a New Hampshire medical building:
"Martin Diabetes Professional Ass."

* In the office of a loan company:
"Ask about our plans for owning your home."

* In a New York medical building:
"Mental health prevention center."

* In a toy department:
"Five Santa Clauses -- no waiting."

* On a New York convalescent home:
"For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church."

* On a Maine shop:
"Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and
workmanship.

* At a number of military bases:
"Restricted to unauthorized personnel."

* In a number of parking areas:
"Violators will be enforced and Trespassers will be violated."

* On a display of "I Love You Only" Valentine cards:
"Now available in multi-packs.";

* In the window of a Kentucky appliance store:
"Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machines do the dirty work."

* In a funeral parlor:
"Ask about our layaway plan."

* On a window of a New Hampshire hamburger restaurant:
"Yes, we are open. Sorry for the inconvenience."

* In a clothing store:
"Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks."

* In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store:
"15 men's wool suits - $10.00 - They won't last an hour!"

* On an Indiana shopping mall marquee:
"Archery tournament. Ears pierced."

* In the bathroom of a large apartment building:
"When taking showers, please leave the bathroom door a jar.
This will prevent the plaster from peeling."

* Outside a country shop:
"We buy junk and sell antiques."

* On a North Carolina highway:
"EAT"
"300 FEET"

* On an Ohio highway:
"Drive slower When Wet."



* On a New Hampshire highway:
"You are speeding when flashing."

* On a Pennsylvania highway:
"Drive carefully: Auto accidents kill most people from 15 to 19."

* In downtown Boston:
"Calahan Tunnel/No. End."

* In the window of an Oregon general store:
"Why go elsewhere to be cheated, when you can come here?"

* In a Massachusettes parking area reserved for birdwatchers:
"Parking for birds only."

* In a New Jersey restaurant:
"Open 11:00 AM to 11:00 PM Midnight."

* In front of a New Hampshire restaurant:
"Now serving live lobsters."

* In front of a New Hampshire store:
"Endurable floors."

* On a radiator repair garage:
"Best place too take a leak."

* On a movie marquee:
Now Playing:
Adam and Eve
with a cast of thousands!

* In the vestry of a New England church:
"Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual
light is extinguished."

* In a Pennsylvania cemetery:
"Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own
graves."

* On a roller coaster:
"Watch your head."

* On a New Hampshire road:
"Will build to suit
Emory A. Tuttle"

* On the grounds of a private school:
"No trespassing without permission."

* In a library:
"Blotter paper will no longer be available until the public stops
taking it away.

* On a Tennessee highway:
"Take Notice: When this sign is under water the road is impasable."

* Similarily in a New Hampshire car wash:
"If you can't read this, it's time you wash your car."