In a sense, I can understand and relate to you because I too have moved on a bit from the fandom surrounding Utada. In the past, Utada was the entirety of my music collection, and I definitely identified with her lyrics and unique journey as a musician. But as I grew older, my music collection also grew, and I have a much larger interest in music than Utada can provide for me. Though I might have moved on to different genres and artists, I STILL consider myself a fan of Utada and I value the influence she had on my music taste and life growing up.

I want to understand why it is important for you to detach yourself so completely from calling yourself a fan if she too was so influential in your life? How do you think you would use this as a "crutch in the future"?